Pandorum

2009
Director: Christian Alvart
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster, Antje Traue.

Pandorum is your basic sci-fi spaceship movie. Guy wakes up on a ship. Oh no, where's the crew?!? Ahhh mutants on board! How did this happen? Oh thank goodness a female and potential love interest is still alive and we can save each other.

The movie is set like 300 years or so in the future. I guess the population on earth was like 28 billion or something so the earth is all used up. The only thing left to do is hop on a spaceship and hope to find a new earth. You see some flashback featuring the captain of the ship getting a message that the earth was destroyed and they are the only hope. We are then introduced to the main character, Bower. He wakes up from his sleeping pod to find the ships power is out. After about an hour his commanding officer Payton (Dennis Quaid) also wakes up in a wonderment why nothing is on. I was just as confused as they were because I guess in 300 years everyone will go back to whitey tighties as the underwear of choice. Once dressed, they get to investigating why they were woken up before schedule and what happened to the power.

First thing you notice is the main character Bower (Ben Foster) just has an annoying voice. I hoped every line he spoke would bring him closer to his demise. Because Payton is the lieutenant, he sends Bower through the air ducts to get to the battery or something. He gets all claustrophobic and crawling through pipes and starts wiggin out. Then a dead body falls on him and it's really time to panic. The next hour of the movie consists of Bower, this butt kicking chick he meets and some kind of pacific islander farmer with a spear running away from the rest of the crew that has turned into mutants. They need to get into the ships core to start the power over.

What seemed like a very average at best movie turned in a pretty unpredictable twist. I honestly didn't see what was coming. I won't say much about it because honestly if you already know what will happen, there is nothing more to see here. Acting is so so. I wasn't a fan of Foster or Quaid or really anyone. The crazy guy that Quaid rescues is the only one who really turned in a good performance. That dude was legitimately creepy.

Rating: Pandorum gets 3 out of 5 stars. The ship was pretty cool visually. They did a good job conveying a really dark atmosphere for the most part. The chick was kind of cute but she was covered in dirt and blood 90% of the time which isn't as hot as it sounds if that sounds hot to you. Twist at the end makes this watchable because the story leading up to it was dumb. If you are into sci-fi movies, I would say it's worth seeing once. If you like the sound of music, skip this.

Best Scene: The ending is the best but I still won't spoil it. Bower waking up was cool. The most suspenseful scene is when Bower climbs around on all the sleeping mutants. That was kind of cool. You never get the sense that they will be captured throughout the whole movie. Oh well.

Quotes: None. Dialogue sucked

Stills:(the visual component is what makes the movie)














Trailer

Day Watch

Apparently somewhere in eastern europe there are people making bad movies. Netflix alerted me that Day Watch would no longer be available to instant stream starting tomorrow. Man I should've just taken the hint and let it disappear. After viewing it, I wondered why it was in my queue to see that it was rated four stars. Movies on netflix with four stars should at least be decent. Oh well I won't write a lot about this one because the time I wasted would only add on to the two hours already blown.

Day Watch is your basic good vs. evil movie. The two powers are locked in a stalemate and evil is trying to start a war to bring on the destruction of pretty much anything. Each side has some random super powerful "agent" that if they ever fight, humanity will be the loser. Bummer. Also there is some magical chalk that you can rewrite your past with. Radical.

Main character is a guy named Anton. He is in love with the super powerful person on the good side and his son is the "great other" on the dark side. Now that's a sticky situation. He did a pretty lousy job. Weirdest part about this movie is that a ton of money was put into it. I think it's a really big deal in Russia. Day Watch is supposedly the second part of a trilogy. Yikes.

Rating: This movie gets two stars for the two hot russian women in it. Without them it would be way worse. I think I should forget the movie and just review them. I think I liked the brunette more than the blonde which is strange because that's usually not the case. She even had short hair which I'm not that into but she way hot. The blonde was very nice too but her acting hurt my head.

Best Scene: Nothing very good. Lots of CGI explosions. The brunette did a good job in her last scene. She was crying, I wanted to cheer her up. That's all.

Quotes: These two guys "I shall control the fate of the world..." "But you can't even control your own fate. "
Two more guys "Uncle Zavulon, why are we the Dark Ones?" "Imperfections are hidden in darkness, Yegor. And people always have their imperfections."

Stills:







nice

Trailer

Confessions of a Superhero

2007
Director: Matthew Ogens
Starring: A lot of people as themselves

Before I go to sleep, I usually like to watch one of two things, either a documentary or anything history/discovery/animal related. This movie is the former. Nothing particularly amazing about Confessions of a Superhero, it's just a good movie to fall asleep to.

All of the characters are "actors" who dress in costumes on sunset blvd or somewhere in Hollywood in hopes of getting paid (tips) to appear in some tourists lame photos. The fact that they labeled themselves as actors at the start was pretty laughable. The documentary focuses primarily on four of them, Superman (Christopher Dennis), Batman (Maxwell Allen), Wonder Woman (Jennifer Wegner), and the Hulk (Joseph McQueen). The first 20 minutes just introduces each of them and shows them "working". It's seems sad and cheesey how they work, begging and telling people that they work on tips before they get to posing.

The movie finally started to get interesting once they dove deeper into each of their lives. Superman, while maybe the biggest fanatic of any one thing I've ever seen, seems like he's just a really warm hearted guy. Sure he comes of as a sheltered nerd but there is an innocence to him. His mom was a movie star that was never there for him so I can see him grabbing hold of something else from his childhood and not letting go. Batman on the other hand is a creeper. He thinks he looks like Clooney, drives a moped and still does karate. The karate part is that bad but he was TERRIBLE at it. He tries to come off as a tough guy and tells stories of his previous days in the mob. I believed them until his wife said its all a show, he just has anger problems. By the end of the movie he is in some kind of therapy (thank God) telling about when he killed someone and looked pretty convincing so I don't know what to believe.

Wonder Woman is just the story of another (no offense) average looking girl who wanted something more in her life so she moved to Hollywood to be an actress. She marries some guy like two weeks after they meet. Apparently they fight alot (the scene of them "fighting" isn't that bad so I am assuming it gets worse)and by the end she has moved out. Who would've known. She is a lot younger then the previous two people and still very much involved with becoming an actress. Her audition was poor but her commercial was solid. My favorite person of the group was the hulk. He used to be a homeless guy, so now his life must seem pretty good. He has a positive attitude the whole time on screen. I think he was the only one I really cared about making it as an actor and by the end he has some small role so we're both happy.

Rating: 3 stars. Movie was meh. Me, being the nerd I am, was expecting some cool superheroes. What I got was a bunch of out of work actors. Started out pretty boring but through developing each of the "actors" held my attention. Would not go out of my way to watch and probably not recommend but I would fall to sleep to.

Best Scene : Last second of the movie. The hulk is in full character at his b movie set. He smiles at the camera. That was a cool dude.

Stills:










Trailer

Legion

is not a good movie


2010
Director : Scott Stewart
Starring: Paul Bettany, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson, Adrienne Palicki

I received four free movie tickets as a Christmas present and I have now wasted half of them on Daybreakers and now Legion. I was really looking forward to both which makes it even more of a bummer. A world of vampires and angel on angel crime. Each rated R hopefully meaning there would be some extra scenes of awesomeness. I guess not.

The plot of the movie more or less is God loses his fate in humanity and orders "an extermination". The weapon of choice this time are the angels. One angel, Michael, still has much love for the humans and decides to come to earth and fight for the humans. Gnarliest scene is Michael stitching up the two holes in his back where he removed his wings. I forgot to mention Michael is played by Paul Bettany. He is a solid actor and one of the only things I liked about Legion. Pretty weird for his last two roles to be this and Charles Darwin in Creation. I just saw he plays the main character in the movie Priest soon. The synopsis of that movie is a priest disobeys church law to track down the vampires who kidnapped his niece. That probably sounds like it will be pretty terrible but I will definitely see it.

There isn't much to say about the rest of the movie. Dennis Quaid, his son, a knocked up chick, a family with a pretty hot daughter, the cook, Micheal and a black guy who is on the way to his child's custody case (really?) set up the fort in a random desert diner. Another gem in the plot, the main character ends up being the knocked up girl Charlie(that's a dudes name). Apparently her child is the only thing that can save the human race. I know you are asking yourself why this baby? So am I still because they never say. Just one of the many plot-holes. At the diner they fight a few waves of the angels until I think the director said something along the lines of "I think everyone might be tired of seeing this. Lets just slap on a quick ending and call it a wrap."

Lets take a look at some of the things this movie did well. As previously stated, Paul Bettany did a good job in his role but when most of your scenes are just running around and shooting, you don't have to be a good actor. I wasn't sure how he would do as a tough guy and he did a pretty solid job. My biggest surprise was the acting of Kevin Durand. I've seen him in probably three movies before and his role is always the big dumb henchman. In Legion he plays the angel Gabriel, the general in God's army. Of course he is big and sleeveless again but he laid some serious lines down. I think he might've even cried a little. He only appears in the joke of an ending but still, I was impressed. Maybe he should wear wings in more movies.

The rest of the movie sucked. Having an old lady and a toddler drop a few f bombs seemed more forced and retarded then the shocking feeling they were probably going for. The cast blew pretty hard. I don't know what is wrong with Dennis Quaid but he has been pretty weak in his last two movies. Maybe he never was any good and I just never noticed. The main character is the pregnant girl Charlie. I had seen the actress before in the show Friday Night Lights so hopefully she will have something to fall back on. She just didn't have that much emotion except for in scenes that require her to be pouty, but she probably is in this mood a lot because she looks she might be a b*&$# in real life. Sorry I edited that for the children. I kept staring at the mole between her eyes too. Not that it's hideous or anything, she still looks might good sans baby in her tummy, I just couldn't get past it. That's pretty shallow I guess. Her boyfriend (guy who is taking care of her while pregnant but has no feelings for) is a guy named Jeep. I have seen him before in the Friday Night Lights movie (he wasn't that bad but playing a hick high school football player shouldn't be hard, just say yes sir to all adults) and Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift (no explanation needed). About 50% of his time on screen he spends either depressed or confused, just like the audience ZING. Tyrese plays the black dude. Just give him a gun to shoot and let him yell damn and what no. Stuff like that, no real lines please. The cook did a pretty good job being the moral one of the bunch. Whoever the red head is did a pretty crappy job as well.

Still as a whole, this movie was a suckfest. How can some many people work on something for so long and it still winds up this unorganized. The time frame was supposed to be two or three days if i remember but it seemed like it all happened in about 12 hours max. The possessed humans of angels looked pretty cool with their stretchy jaws and appendages. I didn't care for the swarm of angels flying around though. They looked like your basic cgi birds. The diner that they are hanging out in is called Paradise Falls. I'm sure this probably had something to do with Milton's Paradise Lost.

Rating : 2 stars. I was going to give this more but nah. Two guys who weren't in the movie all that much can't save it. Legion is just another prototypical action movie. Just instead of the usual zombies situation there are angels. Speaking of angels, they don't do a lot of very angelic things. Killing someone on an upside cross just seems to me like it would be the last thing God would order to do. I don't know, jus sayin. Also someone changes God's mind? Common.

Best Scene: The the aforementioned stitching of the back was pretty sweet but to me the talk between Michael and Jeep in the office takes the cake. Jeep questions why Michael is helping humanity. I don't know if it's Bettany's accent but the way he says it rules. There really aren't any quotes up online yet, but I'll add it once I find it.

Quotes: The only one really online and not anything special.
Michael "I knew He'd send you, Gabriel. You were always so eager to please Him."
Gabriel "Unlike you... the rebellious son."

Stills :










Trailer

The Road

2009
Director: John Hillcoat
Starring: Viggo Mortensen, Kodi Smit-Mcphee, Charlize Theron and small roles by Robert Duval and Guy Pearce

The Road is based on a 2006 book wrote by Cormac Mccarthy with the same title. Not only are the book and movie pretty out there but so is the way it was produced. First they missed their original release date to work on post-production stuff longer. Then they delayed to avoid being overlooked during the summer blockbuster months. After that it was delayed to be released during Oscars season. At some point during all of this the producers got cold feet and became worried that the film wouldn't earn enough money to make it profitable. Because of this marketing was dramatically scaled back and The Road was only available with a limited release. Bummer.

Like many post-apocalyptic movies, which the road is, the director never tells us what happened. There is a brief flashback to when a world altering event occurs but the only thing the audience learns is that Viggo saw a bright flash that lasted for a little while. The setting is sometime in the not too distant future. Viggo and his son survive the cataclysmic event and are just trying to survive. Whatever happened caused all of the planets plant and animal life making it a struggle to go on day to day. Possibly worse than that fact is the majority of surviving humans look upon each other as meals. You already knew that though because dystopian films and cannibalism go hand in hand.

Viggo and his son are on a trek to reach the coast which they presume to be safety. The major theme is how far are you willing to go to survive. Near the beginning of the film Viggo has to kill one of the cannibals to save the son. The very sheltered sons mind is blown by his dad becoming a murderer but Viggo comforts him with the that was a bad guy who was trying to hurt us and that was their only course of action. Once he is reassured that they "are one of the good guys" Viggo tells him that they must go on and "carry the fire". Little by little, Viggo starts to lose it. He becomes increasingly overprotected of his son which is understandable but it gets to a point where he will do anything to stay alive save kill. This is all culminated in a scene where the two of them catch up with a man who had just stolen all of their belongings. Viggo is pissed and holds him a gunpoint. By this time the tension is pretty nuts but one thing is certain, the burglar is not a bad man, just someone who steals out of necessity. Back to the showdown, while back in possession of all of his supplies and still holding the burglar at gunpoint, Viggo asks for the man to give him his clothes that he's wearing. And by ask I mean demand. Similar things happened in Europe during WWII. Boots and jackets were very hard commodities. Striping the burglar down and leaving him but naked has sealed his fate. This was a huge changing point in the movie because we no longer know if Viggo is a good guy. He just left a man who he mad helpless for dead. Is he still "carrying the fire"

Charlize Theron is a pretty big named actress but she only plays a minimal role. That's because she kills herself off before the story even occurs. Her only moments in the film take part during flashbacks. She can't adjust to the new way of life after the whatever happens happened. Charlize is unable to live a life where she can only just survive so she walks into the dark never to be seen again. I know this sounds like a spoiler and I'm sorry but its not. What she does do is leave behind her son. To me, this seems to be extremely selfish and unforgivable. For her little involvement in the movie, the director did a good job to getting the audience or at least me to really not like her.

This was a pretty good movie. Possibly the thing that I liked the most about it was the whole vibe all of the settings give off. Instead of making the movie all CGI and fake, the director used all real locations from places like New Orleans, Pittsburgh and Mount St. Helens. I would also like to describe the film as "pretty metal". There is a scene where a woman and child are chased down and killed. I heard in the book the woman was pregnant and the cannibals cooked and ate the fetus. That would be crazy and upgrade the movie to "really metal".

Rating: I'm going 4 out of 5 stars for this one. Good acting, great cinematography, so-so ending, and Viggo's balls are all part of the equation. That's right, his balls. I don't know if there is a clause in all of his contracts now that he has to get nude in every movie or what but this is the third time I have seen them. That's three too many. Also the boy is very whiny throughout the entire movie. I'm not saying I would whine a lot if faced with that situation, just not that much. I'm a pretty big Guy Pearce fan but he only appears in the final scene so I can't really say much at all about his role because I don't want to ruin anything.

Favorite Scene: Viggo and the boy investigate a house to see if there is anything worthwhile to take (they do this a lot). They break in and find a pile of boots. Things are looking a little strange. Next thing you know blood and knives are everywhere. Oh crap they just walked into cannibal headquarters. Whats that sound? Oh its the cannibals walking up to the house about to discover Viggo. While looking for a place to hide Viggo finds a trapdoor looking thing that sends them to a pitch black basement. Things kick it up a notch now. Viggo gets a little light going and what does he find? ZOMBIES! Well not really. Just a ton of very decrepit and grotesque looking people. Looks like something out of a concentration camp. Viggo and the boy are now in the cannibals pantry. Somehow they make is out of the house but have to hide in some bushes along the side till nightfall in order to not be discovered. There don't see any of the people carving/cooking people, they only hear it which makes it even messed up. 10/10 on the metal scale.

Quotes: Viggo-"I will kill anyone who touches you. Because that's my job. "

Viggo again "I told the boy when you dream about bad things happening, it means you're still fighting and you're still alive. It's when you start to dream about good things that you should start to worry."

Viggo and his son "You have to keep carrying the fire." Boy "What fire?" Viggo "The fire inside you."

Viggo telling you how it is in the movies opening "The clocks stopped at one seventeen one morning. There was a long shear of bright light, then a series of low concussions. Within a year there were fires on the ridges and deranged chanting. By day the dead impaled on spikes along the road. I think it's October but I can't be sure. I haven't kept a calender for five years. Each day is more gray than the one before. Each night is darker - beyond darkness. The world gets colder week by week as the world slowly dies. No animals have survived. All the crops are long gone. Someday all the trees in the world will have fallen. The roads are peopled by refugees towing carts and road gangs looking for fuel and food. There has been cannibalism. Cannibalism is the great fear. Mostly I worry about food. Always food. Food and our shoes. Sometimes I tell the boy old stories of courage and justice - difficult as they are to remember. All I know is the child is my warrant and if he is not the word of God, then God never spoke."

Stills:













Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbLgszfXTAY

BONUS!!! What do you think happened? I think it was a meteor or asteroid or something. Could also be a nuclear thing. Who knows right?